The Walt Right Cognitive Olympics

We're establishing a new sacred tradition.

Happy Wednesday, gents.

It’s been almost a year now since I had you fellers take that IQ test from Danish Mensa to spur engagement and demonstrate to the world how big-brained you all are.

And since then I’m happy to report that The Walt Right has mostly grown in leaps and bounds, becoming not just more institutionally extensive but also significantly more diverse in its member composition—to such an extent that I actually suspect that basically all of 2024’s audience analysis is at this point entirely stale. The time has simply come to amass an entirely new set of data.

But at least for this spin of the dreidel I actually plan on assessing my Waltheads for far more than surface-level IQ. This time I’m evaluating relative subtest performance, because at least to my mind it’s only after the addition of this final layer of nuance that we’re able to properly slice and dice the data with as fine a grain as needed—particularly if the goal is to explain meaningful audience segmentation across ideologies, factions, aesthetics, generations, or even subscription date.

Anyway most of the scientifically rigorous free tests you’ll find online don’t seem to include subtest segmentation even as an option. So feeling defeated I decided to reach out to expert resource

Sebastian Jensen

(aka The Zoomer Faulk) for guidance on the best assessment to use, and he quickly pointed me to something really marvelous called the Comprehensive Adult Intelligence Test (or CAIT)—read more at the link.

Long story short is that CAIT tests for g in every way we’re usually looking for, as well as across meaningfully different dimensions of cognition. It simply isn’t biased in favor of either wordcels or shape rotators, and that makes it ideal for the task at hand.

It also lends itself fantastically to pretty overt gamification—hence my decision to rebrand this particular event as the Second Annual Walt Right Cognitive Olympics.

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So here’s how you can participate in the festivities:

1. Click on this link and navigate to the top of the page, and then click “Take the Test”

2. Run through all seven intelligence tests—they’ll take you roughly an hour in total, but will provide an immensely accurate measurement of your innate smarts.

3. After your first test you’ll be able to create an account and start automatically loading scores into your account. But you also needn’t review everything (including your overall estimated IQ) until you’re entirely ready…

4. ALWAYS read the instructions incredibly carefully before each test.

5. Once you’re ready to post your final scores you should click on the Dashboard and simply transcribe results into the comments section of this piece.

6. Note that once you navigate to the dashboard your scores will display like this:

btw my original scores had the second category around 110 and the last one at fucking 70… but that was just caused by acute sleep deprivation it seems. So take the test rested!

7. The particular format I want in the comments is as follows:

Overall IQ  - 145

Verbal Comprehension - 154
Perceptual Reasoning - 127
Visual-Spatial Intellect- 127
Cognitive Proficiency - 122
Symbol Search Ability - 112

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Anyway once the contest is over (probably in a week or two idk yet) I’ll be rewarding whoever has the highest score in each of these six categories with their own direct callout in my eventual follow-up piece. From time to time I’ll also drop the most recent and insightful analytics my team has collected over the course of its analysis.

But you prob dgaf about any of that shit, do you? 
You just want to see how smart you are.

And so do I--so happy testing!