Millennial Guys Are Pussy-Boomers
One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, and ten Money can't buy you back the love that you had then
One evolution in my thinking over the past few months has been that oldpeepo may have actually been onto something through the years whenever they kvetched about us Millennial fellows being whiny and entitled fags.
Naturally this realization was in no way germinated by oldpeepo themselves, whose comments to this effect will forever evoke in my noggin lamentations from last decade about our murder most foul of fabric softener and engagement rings.
Instead my epiphany came from precisely the other direction—namely two podcast convos I recorded first with longtime superfan / racist wunderkind Walt’s Intern and then with my new fren Dialgatime321, who seems to be the only dude on Substack even more autistically fixated on generationological mythopoetics than Uncle Walt.
In talking to these lads and reconsidering at length my own formative years with the cold clarity of time and more of an anthropological-historical bird’s eye, it’s gradually started to dawn on me that I and other Millennial guys—particularly those of a spergy or nerdy bent—have a particular way of narrating our upbringing and the cultural ecology of those years that’s every bit as cringe / narcissistic as any other cohort’s, and when assessed objectively is ackshully among the least consonant with Facts and Logic—which as the only ones left in society who actually care about that is a real problem.
Now, the steelman of this narrative is we were lied to about women and hypergamy by the utopian and consequence-indifferent educational / media regime of the nineties and early aughts, which socialized us into acting super duper gay and overly limerent around girls and more generally assuming that they process the world identically to ourselves, both of which tendencies became sticky and habitual on a precognitive level and so required aggressive and coarse grain Red Pill heuristics to break.
Obviously all of that is just trivially true.
But to marinate in such an account as indulgently as some of us continue to do even now after all these years—with Wally B himself having been among the very worst offenders of that—is to overlook the wider cultural context of our socialization as well as the experiences / common narratives of men both younger and older than ourselves, who particularly if autistic and weird by disposition quite plainly had it worse overall.
Looking at Gen X guys, for instance, they grew up in the last days of a monoculture where being a nerd was kind of just objectively shitty and low status and the world didn’t offer you much in the way of parallel status hierarchies that mainstream society saw as dignified, plus there were vanishingly few desirable women in sperg-coded spaces which meant that even if you were a weirdo by nature you kind of just had to file off any faggoty rough edges and kill your soft parts to become legible as masculine in a conventional and normie way, which is how you get people like Ron DeSantis.
This was probably good for society overall, and obviously a lot of Gen X nerdy guys did quite well for themselves under this regime. But society also started becoming really gay all of a sudden pretty much exactly around the time they as a cohort would have started coming into their masculinity, which meant they neither got to cash out on toothy patriarchy like Boomers or explore their softer sides without automatically reading to women as gross disgusting faggots like Millennials, which honestly must have really sucked ass, and it genuinely does speak to their manly stoicism that they don’t complain about this more.
It’s also worth mentioning that tons of these guys ended up divorce-raped by a cohort of cynical calculating diet pepsi shrews high on Carrie Bradshaw hypocrisy and every bit as contemptuous of male weakness as their Zoomette daughters are today with none of the molested and xanaxy softness or middle school executive functioning Zoomer boys rely on to not get eviscerated, and if they wanted to play the arbitrage game and luxuriate in soft fuck-me-daddy femininity they only would have gotten it from Millennial Maids behind a sterile pretense of age is just a number symmetry.
Honestly in the past I’ve complained that Xers got to fuck our women frictionlessly and without stigma, but the ackshully hot take here is that the entire appeal of fucking Zoomettes these days is that it makes u feel like a cool transgressive pedophile which tbh Millennial chicks are lowkey coming around to now as middle aged women, but as fillies definitely wouldn’t have been eager to inhabit that register with our poor embattled latchkey uncs as that vibe isn’t especially Hermionelike.
Let’s compare this to the Millennial Man experience.
Yeah we were lied to about hypergamy and such—but also women are ontologically porous and so very genuinely do internalize the scripts society gives them around courtship and mate choice and reputation management in a way that at a minimum impacts how they narrate mate choice and almost certainly also shapes precognitively which specific traits in men code to them as high status and smexy. And that clearly has its limits as traits like height and popularity and money and facial symmetry will never NOT be salient to girl mate logic, but Red Pillers are likewise deeply retarded to treat hypergamy as a monotonic tendency because the aforementioned scripts clearly do impact both A) the extent to which ultralegible and fungible status markers like height and money and muscles precognitively mog more individuated higher order ones and make “discernment” as such practically impossible; as well as B) the extent to which women are obliged to at least pretend higher order traits win out so as to not be seen as a trashy hoe, which under female cognition creates a feedback loop that really does make it true—at least on the margins, and more than it would be otherwise.
The upshot is that if we’re entirely fair about it the Eisner-era socialization regime likely DID make Millennial girls the single least hypergamous cohort of women in history by a pretty dece margin. And yeah a lot of that is performative and gay virtue signaling borne of them being also the first generation to not need men in large number which created a need to compete in more abstract / photonegative moralfaggotry-prone status markets, but that’s also a very autistic manway of looking at the situation because with women it usually does kind of all feel real to them in their heads as they’re basically all kawaii conquered cavewomen deep down.
Now a lot of them were bratty and cunty in their 20s due to a mix of tarded Butlerslop social constructivism and the fact that in a post sexual revolution world women in their twenties will never NOT be bratty and cunty because that’s kind of just what that level of optionality does to you. But objectively they were both A) a lot less cunty to us than Zoomettes are to Zoomer boys today by a huge margin; and B) unlike both Bradshawmaxxed Gen X women and Snapchat-brained Zoomettes it actually was quite important to Millennial Maids that we see them as principled in their feminism and basically ethical on some level. And yeah that kind of just made it hurt all the more whenever we found ourselves in a shitty gaslighty Viktor Krum situation, but it literally did just give them much harder limits and they did take their feminine power seriously as something to deploy judiciously having been the first cohort of women to achieve parity with men, because on some level they knew throwing pixie dust around willy-nilly and pulling Laylashit would completely eviscerate the ambient male buy-in womanly autonomy quite clearly depends on. And like for instance I can remember that in the 2010s lots of Gen X guys in the Manosphere kind of seemed like bitter incels to me because I could never imagine a Millennial girl divorce raping anyone.
Yeah there was the false rape accusation thing they were worse about than Xer broads but let’s remember that was judicable and transparent and quite frankly a lot better than the Zoomette tendency to shred guys diffusely and deniably with zero evidence or adjudication mechanism in whisper campaigns. Also let’s cut them a bit of slack on this because way more of them than will ever be discussed publicly ackshully did e.g. end up blackmailed by internet pedophiles into fucking their asshole with a hairbrush on camera at some point and even more got groomed in quieter softer ways as supple bodyglitter teenies into being kinky fuckbunnies during the internet’s wild west era while virtually all of them had to deal with the first cohort of men who’d basically all want their fetishes indulged on demand now and had to carry all that without any of the easy Zoomette scripts for inhabiting hard asymmetry and post-pornbrained dyad formation easily and organically as they were still invested in men taking them cereal which meant they had to compartmentalize hard as shit figuring out ways to both be a Good Feminist and get shredded in Little Space or whatever, and given that reality it’s frankly remarkable there weren’t a hell of a lot MORE false accusations.
They also have higher sex drives than Zoomettes and are overall less neurotic around men once they get past their internal HR Lady feelings of shame over asymmetry, and meanwhile even if they still insist on the aspartame NPR veneer they’re still quite a lot softer and more feminine than Gen X women overall and under the right conditions can honestly be a lot more sweet / princessy than Zoomettes since even when they’re unreliable and retarded whores at least Millennial women feel bad about it. Moreover when they do choose to lean hard into femininity it tends to feel a lot more deliberate and chosen and substantive rather than something at worst pornographic and at best primarily aesthetic and very likely at least in part a way to have daddy do her FAFSA.
I also think there might be a selection effect thing I’ve overlooked in the past where the sort of Millennial chicks still on the market circa 2020 when I at last had decent Hinge matches were likely far less housewife-y by disposition than Millennial women overall, the two genres at the time being Pussyhat Girlboss and Mad At Ex-Fiancé. Missing from my domain were e.g. the epic win normie meme women who never stopped being Overly Attached Girlfriend to the Nerd Chad golden retriever college boyfriend she married shortly after graduating who still has the affect of 2011 reddit having been fossilized in amber by an edenic and durably limerent dyad instead of slowly becoming the sort of ruminative White Monster Unc who writes essays on the internet about girls his own age not being feminine.
Meanwhile when I talk to fellers like Drunk Wisconsin and Peter Banks (technically a High Zoomer but their differences with Late Millennials are trivial) and consider how my own life might have proceeded differently at various junctures it also seems to me we as a cohort actually enjoyed a pretty decent tailwind all considered given SJW shit didn’t get bad until 2014 whereas even after that until Trump tied up the GOP primary loads of Millennial women were kind of just normie libtard Pumpkin Spice Princesses watching Big Bang Theory and only just now getting really online for the first time—more baby-CHH types than Jill Filipovic types, even if my neckbeard teenage self may have flattened the distinction same way my Nazi self later clocked Yglesias and Klein as Buzzfeed Bergs. Sadly none of them had been all that accessible to me given I was only fourteen when I started college and so by the time I graduated in 2013 had almost no significant life experiences in common with the incoming freshman girls my age, but looking back on it I recall now that when I did my actuarial degree a year later I did have this chick I was sort of grooming via my tutoring job at the writing center I probs could have hooked up with had I not instead gotten internet racist famous and immediately leveraged that to secure romantic initiation via my own hyper-limerent dyad with one of those girls who’d once been blackmailed by internet pedophiles but
Point is if you were sexually viable at all in college as a Millennial dude you were in a better position than basically any cohort of men in history because Millennial girls are for sure the least hypergamous and arguably least shallow generation of dames to ever exist—and very definitely the least tediously normie / foidbrained.
Reason being our youth information ecology was goldilocks for the development of vibrant mixed-sex subcultures in which A) girls enjoyed a moralistic / aesthetic cover for the sort of creative status arbitrage women usually look down upon and tends to get Zoomettes branded pick-me, which meant a 7/10 could easily become a domain-local Nerd Stacy without ever competing socially with Stacy-tier women if she simply e.g. learned how to play Hearthstone or something; and B) the operative status currency at the highest echelons competing for Nerd Chads (or Goth Chads, Alt Chads etc.) was male-adjudicated fluency in the subculture and its values, tastes, history, memes, etc.
The worst thing a Millennial girl could be in any of these subcultures was a “poseur,” hence that being the bullying vector de jour among less normie genres of Millennial chick back in the day. This was lovely for men, as it incentivized temperamentally unusual girls in their early twenties to develop something approximating sentience and a distinct personality in terms legible to men—far better for nerdy dudes than the Gen X monoculture which turned every attractive woman into Elaine Benes and the Zoomer culture in which “nerd girls” have all but disappeared against the bifurcative pull of normalfag-maximalist statuscummies feedbrain on one hand and ultra-niche sex-segregated hyper-curatorial circlejerk narc cults on the other. Finding a spergier sort of Zoomette who shares your niche interests is absolutely still possible, but things are just too fragmented and sloppified now for Zoomer boys to be a universally legible Nerd Chad in the way Millennials could be very easily during the Obama years, and that makes the dating culture objectively much worse for certain neurotypes.
It’s also worse because Zoomer boys don’t have access to the same scripts Millennials had to pivot out of being a late bloomer or a socially marginal freak by aestheticizing one’s weirdness, broodiness, or disagreeability. Millennial girls having been raised on “diamond in the rough” type Disney films a la Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast and come of age on shit like Donnie Darko were deeply calibrated to show they weren’t a superficial bitch by playing up their discernment and virtue signaling about how little they cared about shit like muscles and money—which just personally I found really fucking annoying in 2020 when I wanted them to be a superficial bitch and squeal like a bimbo over my newfound muscles and money, but assessing it less narrowly that same tendency was really fucking good for nerdy Millennial guys in the Obama era who had far more lanes respected by women they could compete in under male-coded standards of competence that also didn’t really force you to be conventionally manly in the Gen X grug way than modern-day Zoomer boys have access to.
Millennial women of a more artsy / nerdy nature especially centered a huge part of their romantic self-concept around deeply individuated and limerent discernment, romanticizing the idea of having the sophistication of palette to see the value behind a weird Donnie Darko type dude’s quirkiness or noncomformity. There was sometimes even a certain princess and the frog element to it where she’d half-eroticize the idea of her punkin spice pussy bringing out his Harry Potter energy and being the thing that lets him self-actualize past weirdo neurosis, which in the Millennial status grammar equates to apotheosis via subcultural fame.
Avril Lavigne channeled this sensibility most mythically I think:
Now in practice Millennial women don’t really like this script these days because a lot of them did kiss the frog and he kind of just stayed a frog who never gets coo or sexy or famous but does still want to fuck your asshole all the time and constantly gets his feelings hurt over the smallest shit, and I think in a sense this has actually curdled the script into active resentment of the Jonah Hill archetype and made Millennial MILFs far harsher / more skeptical inherently of late bloomers and post-incel types than they ever were in their girlhood. But back in the day there was a genre of Millennial Maid who was functionally a kind of incel-breaker and would take a certain dark pride in it.
And the sk8er boi script, for all they cringe at it now and Zoomettes would laugh their asses off at it, spoke to a very real and far too easy to forget in light of 2010s gender nonsense attraction that Millennial women didn’t just have but deliberately cultivated in themselves to higher order male virtues like creativity, rhetorical brilliance, cultural sophistication, or intellectual bravery—traits the era’s goldilocks subculturalization rewarded so strongly that a penniless and skinnyfat autismo could wind up getting broken in by a tall blonde big booba Nerd Stacy former pageant girl from old money cavalier stock and it didn’t register to him as the least bit weird at all at the time so much as the frankly overdue Harry Potter Moment to which I’d always been kind of ontologically entitled by dint of being Gifted.
But that sort of experience isn’t in the cards for Zoomers. They clean up if they’re both erotically viable and either A) competent in a niche female-coded status hierarchy or B) top shelf at some normie-legible esports bullshit, but you just don’t have the same vast mixed-sexed subcultures these days where the girlies are incentivized to really care about your manshit and develop real personalities and you ambiently learn game by watching guys a little older than you make all the coolest chicks in the scene giggle and twirl their hair with what at first seem like the dumbest lines in the universe and s it’s actually really easy to find a gal you click with if you just show up and be talented.
That’s why they’re so into Looksmaxxing, you know.
It kind of really is just the only sensible path for them. It’s not good or acceptable at all, but it’s absolutely the operative reality on the ground right now.
Zoomer boy personalities have never much mattered, because their obligate mixed sex ecologies are so hostile and divided by default and socially retarded that getting laid the normie way is far harder than before if you aren’t just effortlessly high status, while most of the Millennial autistic ways to get laid have withered away on the vine.
But oldpeepo are blisteringly out of touch these days and don’t realize how insanely aggressive the Tinder algorithm has become compared to even when I was on the prowl during Covid for instance let alone during the earnest chungus mid-2010s most of them were using it or especially the OkCupid era real geriatrics still remember in which the incel rate was ackshully the lowest it’s literally ever been given that the platform design was optimized for lateral match success rather than winner-take-all maximalist brutalism locked in by an epistemically lovecraftian Ickocracy.
The system as it stands is rotten and wretched—simple as.
And on some level you fucking know it, too. You pretend you don’t because you’re a cowardly faggot who wants to signal status by pulling up the ladder and channeling aristocratic disdain for men weaker than yourself—which is fine, but if so do it in a way that isn’t so fucking weak and frankly really repulsive in its moral cowardice.
Tinder is an ontologically homosexual societal carcinogen and letting every urban woman get on it through network effects before pulling back the algorithm like a garotte wire on Zoomer boys just as they got dislocated by covid was a crime against humanity and they’d be entirely justified in doing some things it probs isn’t legal to mention here.
That said Zoomer boys ARE very wrong to hate their female peers, because they’re literally all just kind of retarded capricious little girls and unironically barely sentient. Functionally speaking they’ve all been deeply groomed by ubiquitous ambient porn exposure like Russian child sex slaves or something and so have the psychology that in older cohorts you’d only see in hookers or lesbians where they can only relate to men now transactionally and the idea of forming a highly individuated higher order dyad with a man they ackshully feel safe with seems to them how getting pussy feels to you.
On the flipside they’re able to be prostitutes / lesbians in a much less obnoxious and gross way than past cohorts, and when you lovebomb/groom/bribe/Jonah Hill one of them into being your Dolores they’re capable of an intensity of devotion and ferocity of submission most Millennial women even now would instinctively probs feel the need to fill out a form before ever letting themselves fall into. But it really does feel more like grooming than seduction let alone dyadic bonding a lot of times, as their cognition runs so purely synchronic that you can’t ever really hold them to shit long-term or game around them having anything approaching a stable sense of self, and when they’re ready to stick the knife in your ribs they don’t hesitate long enough to at least let you fuck em a few more times like Millennial chickies usually would.
And Zoomer men, for all their arrested development, aren’t really like that.
You lads are even when lowkey sort of retarded pretty sentient by and large, and for sure nobody’s fool—honestly, you’re usually too much of that for your own good, and you’ll see what I mean in a few years. But where it leaves you either way is knowing with grim clarity that something is deeply wrong with the world and it doesn’t make sense to invest all that much in climbing its institutions right now. And, yeah.
But don’t give up on your women.
I’m not even saying stop hating them now, cause God knows I wasn’t too keen on my own foids back when they were calling literally everything a social construct.
But DO let yourself get powerful enough to see them acting like retarded little kittens for you, because once you do get a bit of leverage over em they really do just crumble like a cookie—a really fucking sweet one! Remember that these babies don’t have any grit or emotional continence to speak of, and also time is clearly on your side here.
In the meantime you can and should cut your teeth on the Millennial Milfs while their tidders still hold up, because I think you lads will find that with menopause on the horizon they’re significantly less HR Lady than you probably expect once you get em behind closed doors, and once you’ve wiped off all the aspartame are in a lot of ways kind of the perfect level of groomed to just really devour sexually.
Anywho I’ll end this disquisition with an address to all my fellow uncs.
A lot of you guys are basically Boomers these days and it’s starting to annoy me.
Now understand I say that less out of any great magnanimity toward Zoomer boys and more out of flagrant self-interest—namely that a lot of them are starting to take their anger out on “Millennials” more generally, and while the ones who do this are always like 27 and pretty clearly assblasted about themselves being middle-aged men now, you fags aren’t exactly helping things by being so fucking smarmy all the time.
Fact is even those among us who got a bad hand individually in various ways were insanely lucky in how many existential rubber bands the universe threw at us to merge back into traffic, between a rabidly sex positive campus culture, loads of substantive and muscular subcultures during the late aughts and 2010s, and the insane fortune to have a set of female peers less hypergamous than any other cohort in history whose baby sisters ended up debuting as probably its most hypergamous amidst a global pandemic that let us work from home doing nothing all day while many millions of Zoomette kitties were lonely and stranded and desperately needing a daddy exactly around the time we actually had a bit of cheddar to throw around.
Taken in concert that shit is literally Boomer luck, no matter how you slice it.
And if you’re a nerdy type dude you should be especially grateful, because for most of history nerds were just despised shitty low status faggots who were lucky to get much of anything in life and even if relatively masculine were at a disadvantage being too analytical to compete well in homogeneous normalfag hierarchies, whereas the highly pillarized society of the aughts and 2010s plus polycentric pluralism of the early web and a white-hot tech sector gave us the luxury to not be dehumanized at every turn or seen as half a man but instead just fucking assert our status—with surprising success, all things considered—and demand real fucking dignity from the world.
That world is gone now.
These days people call you a disgusting gross faggot if you’re weird again.
Zoomer boys are growing up in a world where what you look like and how easily you carry yourself matter to the exclusion of basically anything on the inside.
Had I grown up in such a world I’d probably have a high score on Wikipedia.
Other generations think that outrage is weird. To Gen X it’s just the way of the world that the strong shit into the mouths of the weak who ask politely for seconds, and the way they speak about dorkuses and Gen X women in particular react to Millennial male sentimentality tells you all you need to know about what we’re sliding back to.
That’s the default state for nerds—no dignity.
Stay in your cuck shed, worm.
Well speaking as a Millennial who actually lived the Harry Potter story, I say that anyone who thinks that way can lick my fucking taint and munch my goddamn jizz.
I’ll eternally be an autistic nerd theater kid faggot incel dorkus and whenever I gape the little asshole of a forest porn tyler durden dad’s arrested development daughter I love to make a big faggoty soyface right into the camera whilst I spackle her bowels.
That said most of you boys are kind of more Seamus Finnegan tier and should really have more humility looking at your bros’ situation instead of smarmily extracting status by downplaying the problem and using it to humblebrag about your success in like 2015 when Tinder was basically OkCupid—especially if you have zero personal experience with the post-covid algorithm environment under which most of you earnest chungoid types who met your wifey on Bumble in 2017 would be sure to get shredded unless you got autistically good at juking the algo, and especially especially if you’ve never yourself fucked a Zoomette before and gotten to see just how insane and evil they can be though in an extremely adorable way.
That said I don’t blame you guys for being Boomers about this. I’d be doing the same thing no doubt had I locked down either Natalie or Rebecca in 2020 instead of fucking up a won game repeatedly for no reason until I found myself purgatorially adrift on that splendiferously ouroboric Zoomette cunny-carousel.
Because of that I’m a Peter Pan figure now—temperamentally Millennial beyond all doubt, and unable to escape unkish phenomenology, but at this point too encumbered by a particular set of experiences adjacent to those of Zoomer boys to just cheerily ignore the collapse of civilization taking place around our feet so I might grill.
We had it really fucking good—better than we possibly could have imagined.
In terms of money, pussy pies, general quality of life, fucking everything.
And like I said at the beginning of this piece: it’s really fucking incumbent upon us to acknowledge this fact with clear eyes given we plainly value Trvth and model accuracy as an end in itself more than anyone in society right now and as epistemic hygiene collapses with the rise of the Zoomer Oral Culture a relentless dedication to clean priors really ought to be our claim to fame in the generational division of labor.
Yet how can any other faction in society take us seriously as arbiters of Trvth if that impulse always ends up subordinated in some way to our own brooding solipsism?
The world is going to depend on Millennial Men to lead us all out of this mire—
to at long last act like the Hero Generation we once were prophesied to become.
Part of that though is recognizing that the only reason Millennials uniquely have it in us to be heroes is that we were frankly kind of treated like royalty for two decades, and learning to hold the self-importance that comes with that with a bit of noblesse oblige.
Which maybe you boys still aren’t convinced, or you just don’t care that much about young guys’ problems because you’ve got yours and shit—so long as you’re honest about that I can vibe with it, and for sure won’t be a moralfag here.
What you may want to consider, however, is that the frame I’ve been constructing in this piece can in practice also function as a really elegant way to humblebrag.
Au revoir, lads.
—WB