So, I wrote a novel.

Call me Secretary of Male Interiority

Nah, I’m not dead, fellas.

Long story short I’ve spent the past few weeks working rather obsessively on my debut novel The Con, which you can now buy on Gumroad. This is actually intended as the first installment of a series of four, but I suppose we’ll see how it does..

The Con is approximately 100k words / 300 pages of eclectic metamodern autofiction.

If you want to read a sample chapter here’s one already released.

Readers can look forward to:

• Lots of WB lore that will help you understand why I’m Like This

• Numerous extensive and invigorating philosophical / socio-satiric dialogues

• Plenty of fun flirty Covid-era Comedy of Manners shit about navigating Zoomette cultural sensibilities as a prematurely out of touch early nineties nigga

• Mountains of overwrought monologuing about all your favorite WB topics

• Far more overtly evil Male Interiority shit than you’ll ever catch me posting here on Substack

• a bunch of scenes where the Woman Characters get to talk extensively about all the stuff that’s wrong with me so as to keep female readers engaged

• a riveting extended dream sequence wherein five different versions of me from five distinct years argue in a convenience store

• a comprehensive subtextual analysis of very nearly every number in the musical Oklahoma! for the benefit of my fellow theater fags;

• a fair amount of Alt Right nostalgia for oldheads

• Just a smidgen of tasteful smut to keep things lively

I’ll post more samples later but tbh just buy it, it’s good.