The Conquest of Substack

Want more likes? Come join my gang.

Hey fags,

So I imagine most of you have either forgotten about The Medelink Cartel by now or haven’t the foggiest idea what it is on account of being a more recent subscriber.

tl;dr is last February it occurred to me that autistic racists are pretty terrible at liking each other’s posts on substack dot com—particularly when compared to the assorted Zoomer art heaux on the periphery of our circle, who on account of their longstanding Tumblr muscle memory / kawaii relational phenomenology are able to do so without experiencing the slightest cognitive load, and as such periodically rack up three or four times as many likes as sperg accounts with an order of magnitude more subs.

That’s why I founded The Medelink Cartel, which evens the odds by collating posts members want to promote in a central repository for everyone to like en masse.

As it stands we’ve a solid cadre of guys actively liking each other’s shit, and they find the extra engagement useful enough to tolerate their own shifts in the Heart Mines.

But until recently it’s kind of been a pain in the ass tbh, hence the group experiencing a significant drop-off in participation over the course of last year, and Cap’n Walt ultimately electing to drydock the venture until someone manages to automate it.

Good news is somebody just did—namely the Tortuga Society’s precocious tech lead Tom Swift, with some help from our distinguished elder statesman Professor Axelrod. Thanks to their hard work the Cartel now has access to a Google extension that eliminates 90% of the manual labor and will allow this thing to actually scale.

….and that’s why I’ve at last decided to open up the books to new members.

How do I get in?

Message me on here saying you want to join.

Then I’ll confirm you’re cool.

And if so I’ll send you ten of my own articles to like as an entry fee.

Once you like them all you’ll receive the link.

Want to make some money?

The other big ticket item is that after taking a bit of a hiatus for most of last year on account of Blumpf’s tariffs hobbling an already precarious job market Theon Ultima and I are back in the staffing game and aggressively working to place Tortuga Society members in cushy remote roles through our top secret external staffing firm.

To that end we need leads on the demand side—specifically from companies looking to hire data analysts and software engineers—and if you boys can help us out with that there’s a pretty penny in it for everyone involved.

Our terms are precisely as laid out in Bilge Rats in Boston:

• 50% of the placement fee (usually $10k-20k) for connecting us with a hiring manager and 20% for connecting us with an internal recruiter

• Both you and me / Theon will sign an NDA so we’re all protected and information can be exchanged freely without worrying about opsec

• We may need you to help shepherd our boys through internal red tape from obstructionist karen types, but we’ll guide you through every step of the way.

• If interested email wb.vitalist@gmail.com and cc: theonultima@tortugasociety.biz

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And that’s a wrap for today, fellers.

Stay splendid.

— WB