Trump Should Kill The Pope

No More Foreign Interference In US Politics

The Trump administration’s recent seizure of Nicolás Maduro and obliteration of the Ayatollah Khamenei—who despite a long and remarkably durable reign all considered will no doubt be remembered as a weaker man by far than his predecessor Khomeini purely by dint of his name containing the more feminine vowel—has established an intriguing precedent for unilaterally liquidating problematic foreign leaders.

In light of this it would seem the next logical move for the Trump Administration is to seize and execute Robert Prevost, simultaneously establishing long-term control over the Roman Church by occupying the Vatican and imprisoning the College of Cardinals until they can select a pontiff who won’t knowingly undermine the national interests of the world’s prevailing military hegemon and can get it through his skull what it means to render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.

Note this is not especially unprecedented—in 1303 King Philip IV of France captured the Pope at swordpoint and famously established a counter-papacy in Avignon that lasted the better part of a century, permanently fracturing the Church’s geopolitical integrity while sowing the seeds long-term for the Renaissance, Reformation, and rise of secular monarchy in early modern Europe.

There is also no particular reason we should allow a foreign head of state to exercise one whit of influence over our national politics. Modern history curricula likes to narrate traditional anxieties over Romanism from the Know-Nothings and similar groups as “anti-Catholic bigotry,” but that doesn’t hold much water when even today we can plainly observe a foreign pontiff and the bishops at his command shamelessly using the faith of American Catholics as a wedge to shape U.S. policy outcomes.

It also goes far deeper than people realize. I’ve spoken with many Catholics in recent years, and observed a great number of them—particularly women and younger men in the Tradcath scene—believe unironically (if esoterically) that Rome should be able to exercise sovereign theocratic power over American politics, and besides that it’s just trivially true that Protestant notions of secularism and freedom of conscience don’t translate especially well to the Catholic world, hence the tenacity of 19th century anticlerical movements in France and Latin America and contemporaneous efforts by my namesake Otto Von to crack down on ecclesiastical subversion within the Reich.

A lot of German Catholics fled Kulturkampf to America, actually; the great majority of them were farmers who peopled out Corn Country under the Homestead Act, but others were dissident papist intellectuals like my Great-Great-Grandpa Graf, who settled briefly in Chicago as a university professor before immediately getting fired for beating the shit out of one of his impetuous students. Besides that the rest of my ancestry is Irish and Italian, with the only Prot in there being Scotch-Irish Borderer who tend to hate Fancy WASPs more than just about anyone, which means however you slice it I’m no “Heritage American” Mayflower fag—just pure Ellis Island mystery meat all the way down, and unlike most Trads these days a bona fide Cradle Catholic too (or I was baptized one anyway, if not ackshully confirmed).

Mapping Ethnicities to Pokémon Types

And having said that, the Irish if we’re honest are just as bad as the Jews with their maudlin little victim narratives about muh potato famine and muh Harper’s Weekly rosacea cartoons, when realistically we do have piggy noses like that number one and number two the Irish much like Jews are only globally influential because the Angloid created a boring but optimally efficient and maximally just regime which instead of killing us like anyone else would let us get wealthy and powerful by channeling our bullshit in a hyper-specialized way. And same goes for Italians, who are objectively now the coolest white people in America instead of mid europeans everyone sees as corrupt has-beens specifically because WASP institutionalism produced enough excess affluence for them to focus their energies on acting like Tony Soprano.

Now WASPs for sure are bloodless faggots at times, don’t get me wrong—and their women especially will never stop pissing me off. But you wouldn’t want anyone else in charge at the end of the day, because they’re also the only ones with any real sense of stewardship or accountability or basic impulse to recognize the value in other tribes.

That said one of their chief failure modes is this asinine sense of politeness they have even in situations that are objectively really gay and unfair—for instance, the idea that we need to “respect the Pope” and let some foreign religious head muck around in our politics because not doing so is rude I guess? That constipated stiff upper lip shit lets whiny fast-talking nigger races like the Irish play WASPs like a fiddle time and again.

The thing about Angloids though is that they’re better at lying than anyone, but only do so passively in this deeply internalized and pious register (see The Aryan Question) that while great at keeping piggy out of the country club and schlomo insecure also creates a bunch of footholds and crevices the yid, mick, and dago can latch onto and use to rent-seek by way of tedious slave morality narratives about muh antisemitism and muh anti-Catholic bigotry, as if the cossacks / mafia / black and tans would have given them even remotely better treatment (and is meanwhile kind of an own-goal since it typically just results in WASPs snidely weaponizing blacks against us in a high and low against the middle dynamic).

So being a rude and sleazy Ellis Islander, I guess it’s up to me to do what the WASP never will and say the quiet part out loud:

America is being massively subverted by the Catholic Church, and has been for decades.

Why are Catholics allowed to be “traditional” while maintaining mainstream cultural penetration to a degree Protestants are arbitrarily denied even when High Church?

Why are they so massively overrepresented on the Supreme Court?

And why am I suddenly obliged to give even the faintest passing fuck about the Poop’s shitty opinion? To hell with him—and likewise Greta Thunberg and David Hogg and the Gold Star parents and anyone fucking else we arbitrarily can’t criticize after they inject themselves into salient issues of the day. If you want speech codes go to Europe.

Moreover if you think it’s even theoretically possible for a figure like JFK or Biden both to genuinely observe his putative faith and not be forced into a soft taqiyya position at a minimum (consciously or otherwise) then you’re naive as anything and almost certainly a credulous WASP faggot.

But anywho, let’s get down to brass tax.

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Who should be the new Pope?

First note my goal isn’t to “crush Trad Caths” or whatever, as I ackshully align with quite a few of their long-term goals for society and if anything would like to see them triumphant in the context of internal Church politics. The goal, rather, is to empower someone who will reliably advance the interests of the American national project.

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Candidate 1: Rick Santorum

Pros: His name is cool and Latin-sounding which is obviously a superb aesthetic and the dude frankly deserves something in exchange for Mean Gays having appropriated it as nomenclature for their butthole juice. He also vaguely codes as low church Prot despite being Trad Cath which in a canny maneuver of semiotic arbitrage will make his ascension to the Papal Throne feel like red meat to more rednecky segments of Trump’s base who’ll likely assume he’s evangelical. His uncanny resemblance to Sheriff Woody, meanwhile, will help him register to Zoomers precognitively as a credible authority figure, and by extension greatly bolster his legitimacy.

Cons: Especially after the name thing he probably hates gays a little too much to be chief pontiff given the extreme density of closeted homosexuals among the Church’s senior leadership class, and would likely end up assassinated by Jesuits in short order.

Rating: 5/10

Candidate 2: Newt Gingrich

Pros: Extreme moral flexibility and record of success as an architect of realignment and alternate history writer make Newt superbly optimized to run a halfway plausible vassal papacy, especially given that his immense personal narcissism will ensure that superficially he isn’t totally obsequious to Trump despite remaining ideologically locked-in so long as he’s regularly complimented on his intelligence. He’ll also be uniquely sensitive to the Church’s molestation scandal given his own history of being groomed into marriage as a teenager by his high school geometry teacher, and may even be able to siphon off Church resources for the establishment of a permanent human lunar presence.

Cons: Nonzero chance that getting Callista so close to hard ecclesiastical power will immediately precipitate the End Times.

Rating: 7/10

Candidate 3: Dinesh D’Souza

Pros: Instead of excommunicating people he can just use his papal loudspeaker to declare all of Trump’s various enemies around the world the Real Racists—perhaps even invoking the doctrine of infallibility to officially designate Barack Obama canonical Antichrist? idk if we’re honest Indians kind of just need this one.

Cons: Anyone who got inside Ann Coulter probably isn’t a Trve Catholic.

Rating: 4/10

Candidate 4: My Dad

Pros: Deep Catholic education, including extensive ties to the Augustinian Order and exhaustive research into sedevacantist conspiracy theories on Youtube. Access to the perspicacity and rhetorical talents of a generationally gifted propagandist in his son Walter, who played a minor role in Trump’s initial victory in 2016. Unwavering loyalty himself to President Trump, and indefatigable opposition to both the Deep State and Vatican II. Eyebrows very nearly as formidable as the Ayatollah Khomeini’s.

Cons: Strained relationship with the Jesuit Order due to experiences at Georgetown. Might excommunicate me for being a shitty son and forgetting to call him.

Rating: 6/10

Candidate 5: Dave Greene

Pros: Superb at frame control. Natural talent for inspiring obedience in women, who seek out his leadership wherever he goes. Exceedingly difficult to surprise or catch flat-footed thanks to an upbringing in California that offered a unique opportunity to watch everything possible attempted. Ironclad message discipline that’s never thrown off-course by confusions in his interlocutor’s argument e.g. disagreeing with him. Neither shocked nor impressed by degeneracy, which he actually finds boring.

Cons: Not yet clear if he’d have the stomach for a Handmaid’s Putsch if Vance really went for it, and one wonders if his High Millennial good-naturedness makes him just a bit too ecumenical and clement by disposition to energetically roll back Vatican II.

Rating: 8/10

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Seems at the present moment Greene’s our guy—though to ensure he holds the line in the Roastie Wars we’ll also keep Fuentes in play, just as an insurance policy.

Anyway the long and short of it is we’re not living in the twentieth century anymore and the Boomer Truth Regime is dead, which means entirely new rules are at play.

Yes, whenever power acts decisively to topple some sclerotic and maggoty regime of yesteryear the world will always poop its pants at first… and then immediately reorient its entire ontology to venerate the new operative power structure and praise to high heavens the emperor’s finery while pretending to have always done so and side-eyeing anyone who doesn’t immediately get with the program.

Trump absolutely has the power to do this, and any genuine resistance would last all of three months before everyone’s as bored with it as Dave Greene is of degeneracy and altogether ready for the next Current Thing. Beyond that point anyone who still cares about the Pope will just come off as a cringe and weirdo faggot.

It’s the right thing to do—something the Emperors Henry IV and Frederick II and even wily old King Phillip never quite accomplished. But Donald Trump can.

And on that note, I’ll leave you with the words of a wiser man than I.

“Alas, how can the poor souls live in Concord when you preachers sow amongst them in your sermons debate and discord? They look to you for light and you bring them darkness. Amend these crimes, I exhort you, and set forth God’s word truly, both by true preaching and giving a good example, or else, I, whom God has appointed his vicar and high minister here, will see these divisions extinct, and these enormities corrected...” — King Henry VIII’s last speech to parliament, Dec 24, 1545